Separating from a partner can be overwhelming. The change is significant and it can feel like free falling into an unknown future. There are many things to consider and initially, the questions outweigh the answers. This decision may be contemplated for weeks, months, years before actions is taken.
- Where will I live?
- Will I be happier?
- How will I tell the children?
- What will this mean for them?
- Will I be able to afford this?
- What will life look like?
- What will my family/friends think?
- Does this make me “a failure”?
- Will I get through this?
The grief and loss in separation is layered and confusing and can evoke a roller coaster of emotions. Separating people may grieve their partner; their lifestyle; the place they call home; being with their children everyday; their financial security; their “dream” of having a happy family unit.
Whether one initiates the separation or not, both parties can experience the emotions as intensely as the other, though often on different timelines.
The idea of this blog came from clients I have worked with. From the people who have navigated the above and have fed back to me:
“No one ever tells you about the positives that can come from separating”
“At the time, I never thought I would be happy again”
“If I hadn’t have separated, I wouldn’t be where I am today”
“I was so worried about how the kids would go, I can see now was for the best”
Separation is lifechanging. It is challenging and tiresome and brings a sea of emotion. There can be plenty of upside too!
Separation can feel like a ‘line in the sand’ about past and future. It brings opportunity. It can redefine what is important and help you to identify the steps you can take to live the a life you choose for yourself.
Separation can be healing. It can be a catalyst for setting healthy boundaries. It can help you feel safe and find your voice. It can alleviate conflict, both inner conflict and with your partner. It can help you recalibrate your view of your ex. It can reignite social networks you may have lost along the way. It can sharpen your focus on your health and wellbeing. It can provide significant modelling for your children.
Where are you in your separation process? What do you need to help you navigate your challenges, to get to the upside? Look after yourself and remember, you are not alone… help is always available. Call our friendly Welcome team for more information about how we do things differently.
Sydney
Melbourne
Phone
Address
Suite 3, Level 15/385 Bourke Street
Melbourne VIC 3000
Canberra
Coffs Harbour
Phone
Address
Suite 2, 29-33 Orlando Street
Coffs Harbour NSW 2450
Cheltenham VIC
Article By: Kristal Simson
Child and Family Specialist
Kristal has 18 years’ experience working with of children and families who have separated and are at the interface of Family Law. She is informed by strengths based and solutions focussed practices to challenge and empower clients to want better and do better in order to move towards their preferred life.