Are you a woman in a family violence relationship and thinking about separation?

Read these 7 key points from a family lawyer about what to do before you leave

Content warning: This post contains references to family violence.

According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, approximately 1 in 4 women and 1 in 14 men have experienced intimate partner violence. In this post, I discuss some tips for women who are experiencing family violence, and are considering separation. Keep an eye out for future blog posts with resources for the LGBTIQ+ community and for men experiencing intimidate partner violence.

Being in a relationship that is subject to family violence, including coercive control, can feel isolating. Despite how you might feel in the moment, you are not alone. Help is available and there are things you can do to support yourself in separating before you leave.

While the below steps are aimed at assisting you from a family law point of view, they are not essential. The safety of yourself and your children must be paramount. If you cannot take these steps before leaving, that is ok. Before taking any steps, consider, “is this safe for me to do?”

If you have concerns about your immediate safety, please call Triple Zero (000) for emergency help.

1. Seek help and a develop safety plan before doing anything else

Before leaving, if you can, it is important you have support and develop a safety plan for yourself and your children. This step is key and informs all other actions you might take.

There is support available to help you plan your separation and develop a safety plan.

In the ACT for example, organisations such as Domestic Violence Crisis Service can help you develop a safety plan and have a 24/7 help line (02 62 800 900). YWCA also have a Domestic Violence Support Service (02 6185 2000). Care Inc can assist if you are experiencing financial abuse (02 6257 1788). There are also specialist services for those who have experienced sexual violence, including Canberra Rape Crisis Centre (02 6247 2525).

Similarly, in NSW, you can contact the NSW Domestic Violence Line (1800 65 64 63). In Victoria you can contact Safe Steps (1800 015 188). In Queensland, you can call the DV Connect Women’s Line (1800 811 811). There is also the National Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service1800 Respect (1800 737 732).

2. See a specialist family lawyer

We often see victims of family violence agreeing to arrangements for their children that they are not comfortable with or agreeing to a financial settlement that is much less than what they are entitled to. This is often done out of fear or an unwillingness to be subjected to protracted discussions and negotiations with their former partner.

It is important that you understand your rights before you make any decisions that could impact your future or your children’s future.

Your lawyer will talk to you about your individual circumstances, what to do and importantly what not to do. If you’re not sure where to start, start by seeing a family lawyer for an initial appointment.

The appointment with your lawyer is confidential. You do not need to, and should not, share with your partner any advice you receive from your lawyer. You also do not need to tell them that you have sought advice.

If you are worried you are being tracked by your partner, use someone else’s phone to call to make an appointment, and leave your phone and car at home when you go to the lawyer’s office. If you don’t want to attend in person, another option is a phone or video appointment.

3. Have a separate phone and email address

In some relationships marked by family violence, women may be tracked by their partner using technology. There is information online that can help educate you about ways your partner may be tracking you. There are also private services that can check your phone ad car, home, and other technology for tracking devices.

It is important that when you obtain advice, such as from your family lawyer, that your partner cannot access that advice. For some women, this may involve giving your lawyer your work email address. For others, it may be setting up a new free email address such as with Gmail. It is important that this email is not connected to your other email account or google documents accounts and not connected to a phone that your partner has access to.

If possible, having a separate phone that is not connected to your existing devices may also assist. If you do have a separate phone, it is important that it is turned off when any national alert testing is underway.

For documents to be posted, consider a P.O. Box or using a friend or relative’s address.

Having a separate email address, phone number and postal address may also assist when setting up your own bank account and when gathering information and documents (referred to below).

4. Gather information and documents about finances

Often women experiencing interim partner violence, particularly those subjected to coercive control, do not know about all the family finances. Once separation occurs, it can be difficult and expensive to start getting this information if your partner does not cooperate.

If it is safe to do so, gather copies of what documents you can find before you separate. This may help save you time and money once financial discussions commence. You may not be able to get everything, but the more you can gather, the better.

Some examples of documents that would be helpful to have copies of for yourself and your partner include: tax returns, superannuation statements, bank statements, credit card statements, loan statements and payslips.

If there is a business or company, tax returns and financial statements for that company may also assist.

If there is a trust, the trusts deed, tax returns and financial statements for the trust will also be helpful.

Remember – only gather copies of these documents if it is safe to do so.

5. Have an account and money in your own name

Some victims of family violence don’t have their own bank account or access to funds. This can make separation extremely difficult.

If you can, open a bank account in your own name that is not with the same bank that your other accounts are with and not linked to your partner in any way.

If you have family who want to help you financially, whether as a loan or a gift, ask them to deposit funds directly into your separate bank account rather than to a joint account that your partner can access.

6. Keep records of family violence and controlling behaviour

If your matter later proceeds to Court, having records of the family violence you have experienced can assist your case and the preparation of your evidence.

Keeping notes of the family violence you have experienced may later assist your case. If you can, take a note of the date, what was said (the actual words said if possible), what was done and the context of what happened.

Some former clients of mine have used different methods to do this such as: keeping a hardcopy diary that they left at their work; writing electronic notes and emailing them to themselves or to a friend; writing on post-it notes and over time putting them in an envelope held by a family member; and keeping notes in their phone (if the partner does not have access to that phone).

If you cannot keep records yourself, you can also talk to third parties who may keep their own records. For example, you can talk to your GP or a counsellor.

Keep in mind that records can later be the subject of a subpoena, so talk to your lawyer for advice about your circumstances and the records you are keeping.

7. Consider a family violence Order

In some cases, obtaining a Family Violence Order (also known as an Apprehended Violence Order (NSW), Protection Order (QLD), or Family Violence Intervention Order (VIC)) can help put boundaries in place for your protection.

Such Orders if granted can include prohibiting your partner from contacting you directly; prohibiting your partner from coming within a certain distance from you and your home; requiring your partner to move out of the family home; and can include similar Orders in relation to your children.

There are different names and processes in each state and territory for obtaining these Orders. Talk to your lawyer about the options for you and what this will involve.

In the ACT, to obtain an interim Family Violence Order, you need to attend at the ACT Magistrates Court to apply for an Order yourself. Your family lawyer can assist you with this process or you can ask the Duty Lawyer at the Domestic Violence Unit at the Court to help you. Domestic Violence Crisis Service may also be able to provide a support person to attend Court with you.

In other states such as NSW, generally the application will be brought for an Apprehended Domestic Violence Order by the police on your behalf. If the police won’t apply on your behalf, you also have the option of filing an application yourself.

Key takeaways

• Call 000 in an emergency;
• Your safety, and the safety of your children is the number one priority;
• Seek help and a safety plan;
• Seek advice from a family lawyer as early as possible;
• If it is safe to do so, gather information and documents;
• If it is safe to do so, have a separate phone, email address, postal address and bank account;
• Consider obtaining a family violence Order, but seek advice first.

If you have experienced violence or sexual assault you can contact 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) to talk to a counsellor from the national sexual assault and domestic violence hotline.

This post contains general information. For advice particular to your circumstances, please contact a specialist family lawyer for advice.

Article By: Kasey Fox

Partner

Kasey began her family law career with FGD back in 2004 and was made a Partner in 2013. Originally from Alice Springs, Kasey has made chilly Canberra her home more than 20 years. When necessary, Kasey is a fierce litigator, and achieves outstanding results for clients. Her years of experience in litigation have given her unparalleled knowledge of the Court process and she is the office go-to for strategy and advocacy tips.

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